It seems that there is no shortage of trouble from all sides for a growing number of people in these days and I have not escaped it either. Lately, my life has just turned upside down and my whole world is shaking. I tried to pretend even here that all was well, but the truth is, it has been anything but. I have turned inside out and had to face some very hard facts about myself, others and life overall. But because of this shaking, if you will, I am learning in a much deeper sense what our Psalmist meant in the multitude of verses regarding praising Daddy no matter what. I'm trying to, really I am. Through tears and brokenness, I really am trying. Sing praise with me, maybe that'll help. I know that the promises of Daddy are true, I've been a witness to much to not believe now. I'm having to let go of some very intimate dreams that have been in the center of my heart for a long time. I'm having to face choices that frankly I never thought I would. Trying to hear Him above the noise and confusion that pounds at my life, is difficult at best some days.
I'm not trying to draw attention to myself or be overly dramatic. I am ,however, letting some things, a lot of things, go in my life. I'm beginning to understand better and better what all of these conversations between me and He have been leading up to. All of this has opened my eyes to some very hard truth about lots of thing in me and others. I am grateful for much, that list would be long if I were to write it out and you probably have the same things to be thankful for. So instead I'm going to make a wish list. Maybe you can relate to some of these: I wish I could hug and kiss away peoples hurts and problems so that pain would not be passed on to others somehow either purposely or blindly. I wish that I had a time machine to take people back to the defining moment that changed their lives for better or worse. I wish that I knew why some peoples prayers seem to be answered and others seem to not be heard. I wish that I could give more hope to the discouraged and broken hearted who hurt so deeply that it seems Daddy's Word must still be working through the brokenness and we have not yet seen the deliverance of wholeness. I wish that I could turn back time to the Ozzy and Harriet life and days so families would not be torn apart by the crazy un-reality of today. I wish that we all could remember that were just one "Jesus" away from eternal separation. I wish that we could be as wise as our elders and youthful as our children and grandchildren. I wish that truth was always spoken with the temperance of love. I wish our hearts were not so fragile but full of peace, joy and praise.
I share this with you so that you understand my silence and absence and yes, if you think about it, I would appreciate your prayers. Pray for my family, marriage, future, health. And I shall pray for yours.
I'm going to change the blog slightly to fast one picture posts for a while because I don't want to lose touch with ya'll nor you with me. All of you really mean so much to me. Please just "patiently endure" my testing and temptation.
xoxox,
Ellen
So beautifully written Ellen. I think a lot of us tend to put the *pretty* times on our blogs and not the *ugly* times, but you are so real to share your heart. I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers!! God will see you through this time of testing...He has promised!!
ReplyDeleteHugs~
God Bless. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Marty
ReplyDeleteDear Ellen, that was wonderfully and beautifully written. I'm sure it was a bittersweet one to write, but brave and beautiful nonetheless. I believe that life will get better. And I am praying!! Please stay in touch. Hugs from the farm.. Tammy
ReplyDeleteSit at His feet, drink from the cup in His hand, and feel His heartbeat again.
ReplyDeleteFeverishly unrelenting for you in prayer,
Sandy
I just stumbled upon your blog. Not sleepy so I am being a night owl. What you wrote was awesome. Don't know what you are going through....but praise God, you will grow THROUGH IT. Prayers and hugs. I will be here when you get back. I am your newest follower.
ReplyDeleteHi Ellen,
ReplyDeleteWe are here for you..I hope you know that. I've put you on my mental prayer list, and your near the top of that list. Wishing you blessings.
Maureen